Mall Ministry Mayhem - Part 1

March

"Do you need me to pick anything up for you from the mall today hon?"  Mary asked her husband as they sipped their second cups of coffee on the back porch.  Mary wriggled her bare toes in the sun, enjoying its warmth and and the new blossoms on the trees.  He peered at her over the top of the newspaper he was reading, glasses perched low on his nose.  "You're going to the mall?  Why I've never heard of such a thing!"  He responded in mock disbelief.  Mary stuck her tongue out at him.  "Oh shush!  You know I go there every week to exercise and hand out tracks.  If I walk the entire mall twice, I get a good two mile workout!"  "And just how many times do you cease your "workout" to shop?"  He asked grinning, already knowing the answer.  "Well, I can't help it if the window dressings call out to me, just begging me to come inside and browse!"  She replied, hand on hip in full drama mode.  He harrumphed, shook out his newspaper with a sharp "snap" and went back to the sports page.

Their caramel colored cat chose that precise moment to jump up onto her lap, sniffing at her coffee, whiskers twitching.  Mary scratched him under his chin and he promptly flipped over onto his back, allowing her access to his belly.  "Shakespeare, daddy doesn't want me to go to the mall to evangelize the masses.  Why, doesn't the scripture instruct to go into the highways and byways and compel them to come?  And the mall IS just off the highway!"  Mary gave her husband a sidelong glance from the corner of her eye.  Shakespeare stretched and gave a great yawn, thoroughly bored with the line of conversation.  Snickering, Mary's husband folded his newspaper, stood and kissed Mary soundly on the forehead.  "Go "evangelize" and "exercise."  Just don't break the bank while you're at it."  And with that, he was off to the office.

After just one more cup of liquid energy, Mary nudged Shakespeare off of her lap and padded into the kitchen to rinse her cup.  She found their three children, Hannah, Natalie and Ethan scrounging around for bowls, spoons and cereal boxes.  They all sported matching t-shirts with "Call on Jesus, H'es off the hook!" printed across the front.  It had taken their church youth group weeks of brain storming to come up with that clever little prose to have printed on t-shirts.  "Hey mom, do you have any old towels we can use today?"  Ethan asked with his mouth full of Alphabits cereal.  Today was the youth car wash!  She had almost  forgotten!

"Yes, there's some old ones in the garage, and don't talk with your mouth full."  They all looked so adorable!  The twins had paired their t-shirts with matching jean skirts, while still allowing their individual styles to shine.  Hannah, Miss Priss, wore rhinestone embellished flip flops.  Her hair was perfectly coiffed, every curl intricately placed.  She spooned cereal delicately into her mouth with one hand whilst deftly texting with the other.  Natalie, miss life of the party, high energy, sported pigtails and fashionable tennis shoes with ankle socks.  She hummed loudly, if slightly off key, to the I-pod earphones firmly ensconced in both ears.  Ethan wore jeans, Vans and had tried his hand at a failed attempt at a "Pentecostal Mohawk."  Mary did a double take, opened the linen closet, retrieved a ball cap and slapped it on his head.  "Nice try Ethan."  she said and planted a kiss on his forehead.  "Aahhh mom!"  He grumbled with a "B" nestled firmly in the corner of his mouth.

"I'll have my cell if you need me!  I'll be at the mall!"  She hollered and waved as the passenger van driven by their Youth Director whisked the kids off to the car wash.  Now, she thought in anticipation, the mall!  Just maybe I can pick up a little something new to wear on Easter.  She hurriedly dressed in comfortable clothes, careful to wear a button down shirt, which allowed her to try on clothes and still preserve her hairdo.  Her "hairdo" today consisted of a side part, brought together into a low ponytail, then, she attempted to tame the stuff into a smooth knot, which proved futile and looked more like a "messy bun."  Oh well, messy bun it is!  She tried two delicate curls at her temples, but like springs, they insisted on a life of their own.  She looked like a billie goat with two stubby horns protruding from the side of her head.  She finally gave up and plastered the "horns" down with gel and hairspray.  She threw a can of hairspray and a comb into her purse in case of a "hairdo emergency" while at the mall.  The entire ensemble was rounded off by a pair of comfortable walking shoes.

Grabbing her keys, she double checked the contents of her purse.  Wallet, check.  Tracks, check.  Hair emergency essentials, check.  And then, on a whim, she threw in her compact one day Bible Study chart she had just ordered from PPH.  One must be prepared at all times you know.  She hopped into her black Volkswagon Passat, complete with tinted windows and lots and lots of chrome.  She loved it!  It had been a present from her on her 40th birthday.  Who said that women couldn't enjoy mid-life crisis as well as men?  She programmed the Crabb family into her six CD changer, cranked up the volume and headed for the highway!