She sprinted down flight after flight of steps, traversing level after level of the arena, leaving unbridled worship in her wake. She finally made it to the ground floor, then to an entrance just to the side of the stage. By this time, she had lost a heel, ripped the pin from her slit and her hair was sliding dangerously low on her forehead.
An usher dosed in a chair just inside the entrance. She limped toward him, bent over, hands on her knees in an attempt to catch her breath. She pointed towards the congregation, gasping. "Man........money.........offering.........go!" He just looked at her and then began to weep uncontrollably. She reached out a hand and touched him on the shoulder. At this, he promptly fell out of his chair, stone cold slain in the spirit. She groaned in frustration and decided there was only one way to deal with this situation. She ran up onto the stage.
At the sight of her, all the preachers ran off the stage single file to take a turn around the auditorium. The organist fell backwards off of his bench laughing in the Holy Ghost and the praise team rotated their index fingers in a "do the chorus over again" sign.
Mary stepped to the microphone but her voice could not be heard above the roar of the crowd. She could just make out the culprit as he was blocked into an aisle between two well fed sisters as one duked it out with the devil and the other treaded upon serpents and scorpians.
As she scanned the crowd a thought began to form in her mind. As a rebellious teenager she had snuck off once to a rock concert............she looked over her left shoulder and then her right, backed up about six feet, kicked off her shoes and whispered a prayer. And then, she ran.
She clamped her eyes tightly shut as her feet left the stage. She was sailing, thru the air, over the crowd, and then, she made contact. She tensed for the impact but none came. She opened her eyes to a sea of Pentecostal women who had come together to pass her over their heads. She was crowd surfing!!
Oh dear Lord she was crowd surfing at General Conference! She was tempted to throw out the "rock on" sign but thought better of it as she spotted "Mr. Ponytail" struggling to get out of the aisle and knew she must act fast. She pointed frantically in the thief's direction and her sister's seemed to understand the severity of the situation at hand for they began to pass her double time.
Just as the thief made his escape from the aisle, they launched her. She grabbed for the ponytail and hung on for dear life. His head snapped back and his feet came out from under him as they both tumbled to the floor.
Coins rained down. Paper money and checks floated on the air. Cameras flashed as the saints rushed to check Mary for injuries. The last she saw of the culprit, he was being lashed to a folding chair by Sis. Delta Decker utilizing some of her handmade macrame belts as restraints. Delta held Louisiana, pin opened and aimed at the thief's bicep in a silent dare for him to make a single move to escape. A young boy with braces and a zit under his left nostril thrust a notebook and pen in her direction. "Shishter Magnum, can I get your autograph pleashe?"
She made all of the Pentecostal periodicals. Reflections touted her as the "sister who saved the day" at General Conference. The Pentecostal Herald did an interview, she inspired an issue of the Apostolic Man" magazine entitled, "The Value of a Submissive Wife," and the Youth Department developed a one day Bible Study on the evils of rock concerts.
Her family had mixed feelings. Her son Ethan thought she was "the coolest mom ever!" Hannah vowed, with tears, that she could never hold her head high in polite company again, and Natalie couldn't wait to post the pictures on Facebook! Her husband kissed her soundly on the lips and told her she was the prettiest crowd surfer he had ever seen as he revealed to her a brand new Coach bag from behind his back.
Late one night, months later, she and her husband snuggled beneath the covers reminiscing on the events of that night at General Conference. "You did a real brave thing honey." Her husband said. "Just don't make a habit of it, okay?" Mary just smiled.
Good stuff!!
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